A Short Ramble about Bipolar Disorder

Bipolar disorder (formerly known as manic depression) is an illness that more and more people are talking about. It has inspired films like Silver Linings Playbook, Mr Jones and Touched with Fire. The extremes of some bipolar episodes can intrigue, scare and repel. However bipolar can also bless us with creativity, intelligence, charm, sensitivity and a way of seeing the world which is unique. So unique that many of the most influential men and women in history have been diagnosed with, or suspected of having, bipolar. Throughout history, many talented individuals may have lived with bipolar disorder. Such geniuses as Vincent Van Gogh, Ludwig van Beethoven, Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, Frank Sinatra, Virginia Woolf, Winston Churchill and Isaac Newton were all either  The world would be a much poorer place without them. 

I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder (manic depression) in 1993. It has been a long journey with many twists and turns. These days, I do not think about bipolar so much, but it is always with me, lurking in the background, influencing my life in subtle and not-so-subtle ways. I will never know what parts of my personality, talents, or quirky ways of seeing the world are because of bipolar and which are the real "me". Neither will I know what I would have been like had I never developed this illness. 

Some people with bipolar say they would never swap having bipolar for a life as an “ordinary” person. I imagine they think that the intense creative energy and intoxicating manias are worth the depressive, destructive aftermath of an episode. I see bipolar rather differently. For me, it is a burden, a millstone around my neck, and I would swap it for good health every day of the week. Having said this, I have no idea what I would be like without bipolar, so in truth, maybe I don't really know.

However, there are silver linings to this serious mental illness. If I look at bipolar from the perspective of my soul rather than outer success or ease of life, I can see some value in it. Whilst casting a dark cloud over large parts of my adult life, bipolar has driven me to develop as a human being. It has opened my eyes to aspects of life I would never have known about. It has changed my whole perspective on what it is to be a human living on earth. I no longer believe my life is about material success or achievement. For me, it is about developing and growing as a human being. It is about friendship, laughter and love, freedom, being kind to others and myself, and leaving the world a better place than I found it. This means expanding love and compassion in myself and in the world. In this regard, bipolar has had great value to me.

By preventing me from doing what I wanted to do, I learned more patience and humility. By presenting me with “unacceptable” situations, I learned more acceptance. Through the suffering it delivered, I learned more compassion and understanding for other people’s hardships.

I can’t do many of the things I used to enjoy doing and I may never have a successful career in the traditional sense, but I appreciate the simple pleasures; the laughter, the crisp winter mornings, meals with my parents, lying in bed with my wife, hot chocolates with my stepson and teasing the people I love. I have, by the grace of life, befriended an illness I once feared, denied and hated.

From time to time, we all get rear-ended by life, and its challenges affect us in a variety of ways. Sometimes we become resentmentful, and at others they can be the making of us. Once the dust of a challenge has settled a gift can reveal itself. If we are ready, we can find blessings within the most challenging of events. The psychoanalyst Carl Jung believed the unconscious mind creates events in our lives to teach us lessons. 

These lessons can lead to higher levels of happiness and wisdom. Sometimes the lessons are painful because people and things we care about are taken from us. Sometimes our defences are stripped and our souls laid bare. Yet, if we have the correct approach, these lessons can change us for the better. They can catapult our mental, emotional and spiritual growth. The false superficialities that life weaves around our personality are ripped away, and wisdom, presence and a sense of humour are found in their place. There is no doubt the challenges of bipolar have made me into a more rounded and appreciative person.

My dance with this illness has been far from a graceful waltz but it has taught me vital life lessons. Despite over thirty years of getting used to it, bipolar still encroaches on my life. I can’t train or play sports. In winter, I sometimes lose my zest for life and slip into a mild depression. However, these situations are manageable and rarely last for more than a day or three.

By Oliver Seligman (author of Befriending Bipolar: a patient's perspective)