Dealing with the Psychological Side of Bipolar Disorder

When I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, or manic depression as it was called back in 1993, I was told it was a chemical imbalance, and all the treatment I received was designed to address that. What I've discovered over the last 33 years is that there's a huge psychological component to the bipolar I experience, and I imagine a lot of people experience the same. In this video I'm going to talk about how I've addressed living with bipolar, and how I've managed to change my relationship with this mental illness by tackling those psychological aspects.

For me, there's a big difference between experiencing the bipolar symptoms of; depression, mania, psychosis, extreme anxiety, hypomania and dealing with the psychological side of having a mental illness. Let me give you an example. When I'm stable, I'm not suffering from the biological impact of bipolar. I'm not depressed, I'm not manic. But at various points in the past, I've suffered from the psychological side, often feeling guilty for crazy things I did during an episode, or feeling resentful for not having the career I wanted, or not having the health I wanted, or perhaps not fulfilling the dreams I had when I was younger. I felt anger, resentment and bitterness toward people who I believed gave me poor advice. For me, that's the psychological side of having a mental illness.

What's interesting is that the biological and psychological sides of bipolar often require very different approaches. I can't even begin to address the psychological challenges when I'm depressed or manic. The illness has taken me, and all I can do is try to look after myself, get through the episode, and return to some kind of stability. But when I'm stable, I can create a bit of distance between me and the illness. I can step back, look at myself, look at the illness, look at my desires and dreams. And that's when I think it's really important to be as balanced and steady as possible and not to get dragged into the drama of the illness.

It's at this stage when I've found psychological help most useful. I had psychotherapy for about four years, and my psychotherapist was absolutely brilliant. She couldn't stop the biological imbalances, that's what medication was for, but she could address my psychological issues with bipolar. She helped me work through my regrets, my anger at having wasted so much of my life, and the visceral feelings that came from being knocked sideways by manic and depressive episodes when I was only 17. And I don't think it necessarily needs to be a psychotherapist who provides that support. A good counsellor, a good peer support group, there are different ways to do it. But spending some time looking at how bipolar had affected me, and deciding how I was going to respond to it were helpful. Was I going to see myself as a victim, or as someone building resilience, strength, and somehow growing from it?

One of the most important things therapy did for me was teach me to be gentler on myself. I was a real perfectionist for most of my life, and I think that perfectionism played a significant part in developing bipolar. There's one story that makes me laugh now, though it didn't at the time. When I was about 12, I broke my collarbone wrestling with a friend in a field in Scotland. I was taken to hospital, patched up, and told to rest for at least a week. But on the drive home, with painkillers probably already kicking in, I couldn't follow the doctor's advice. I was desperate to go back to school the next day because we had exams. I was terrified that a girl called Abigail would beat me and take top place in the class. I simply could not bear the thought of not being top of the class. Fortunately, my parents didn't let me do the exams, but this fearful perfectionism may well have been part of the reason why I ended up having my first bipolar episode only 5 years later.

Another thing that's helped me enormously with the psychological side has been the Ishayas' Ascension meditation as taught by the Brightpath, which I've practised for 23 years and taught for 20. When I'm stable, it's allowed me to develop a completely different relationship with my mind. It's helped me let thoughts come and go, and connected me to a quiet, steady presence that exists within all of us. As that presence has grown, I've been able to see my psychological habits more clearly, including that perfectionism. I used to be at the mercy of it. But as I became more peaceful through meditation, I could see when my mind started its old patterns and simply let go of them.

Combined with psychotherapy, meditation has put me in a much better place than if I'd only addressed the biological. I have had to take the biological side seriously too, using medication, the ketogenic diet and other strategies. What the future holds I do not know, but I think my life will be easier and more enjoyable now that I'm dealing with both the biological and psychological sides of bipolar disorder.

If you would like to watch Oliver's Youtube video on the psychology of bipolar disorder here is the link: https://youtu.be/Xe5PDWXVOW8