Dealing With A Bipolar Diagnosis

One man's meat is another man's poison. For some, being diagnosed with bipolar can come as a heck of a shock. For others, it can be a relief. Some people accept their diagnosis quickly, others feel resentful for years, cursing a life that dealt them a mental illness. Like all significant events that come our way, our reaction varies from person to person. Our personality, age, beliefs, life circumstances and countless other factors can influence our mindset and how we deal with bipolar. Do we accept it with grace? Or fight it tooth and nail? A piece of the puzzle this blog will focus on is whether we have lived with bipolar symptoms for many years or have been blindsided by an episode out of the blue.

For those who have struggled with undiagnosed symptoms for years a bipolar diagnosis can bring a certain relief. Diagnoses can have a powerful psychological impact. Having a name and a reason for our problems may give us the explanation we have wanted for years. Painful thoughts like,

"Why do I feel so bad? What is wrong with me? Why is there so much chaos in my life?" are given a context, and having a context can take much of the pressure off. All those months superglued to the couch, the destructive spending sprees, unnecessary conflicts, projects begun but never finished, the highs and lows and the struggles with living a normal life may now make sense. Like the pain of ripping off a sticky plaster, the shock of bad news can be a good thing if it leads to improvements in the long term. In this case, the devil we know may be better than the devil we don't.

A diagnosis can open the door to getting help. It can spur us to attend peer support meetings, change our lifestyle, find medication that helps, or do whatever we need to do to deal with the illness.

I don't remember the day I was diagnosed with manic depression (as it was in 1993). All I remember is the white walls of a mental ward in Edinburgh and nurses doing their best to help me. But as I write this blog, some of the memories come back to me. Initially, I was not in a place to understand or absorb my bipolar diagnosis. Doped to my eyeballs with an anti-psychotic, slowly clawing myself back from the madness of psychosis into the reality of a mental ward, I didn't have the capacity to deal with such news. But, when I stabilised, I could at least understand my psychiatrist's words, 

"You have manic depression." 

Over the following weeks and months I processed this news. Initially, I remember feeling relieved that I now had an explanation for the insanity that had engulfed my mind. Later, I remember feeling embarrassed at being one of those "crazy" people I used to regard as weirdos in my youth. I remember feeling fear around being someone who needed to be in a mental hospital, whose mind could go to places it never wanted to be. A young man who might return to those hospital wards (and I did!).

A year later, I closed the door on my bipolar diagnosis. Taking my pills every day and getting on with life. Rarely thinking about it for years.

Whatever our reaction, or non-reaction to a bipolar diagnosis, it is okay. We can't control how we feel. We can't force ourself to accept it. But over time we can learn to live with it and work with it. Over time we have more choice of our mindset when it comes to bipolar.

Last century (gosh I sound old!), there was not much focus on talking about a diagnosis, what it meant and how to deal with it. I was offered no psychotherapy. These days it's different. We may want to talk about our diagnosis or have questions, or just get a lot of stuff off our chest, and it's possible to do this. It's fairly straight forward to get help.

 

Being diagnosed is the start of a journey of learning more about ourselves and bipolar. I use the word “journey” because learning to live with bipolar takes time, and there is no final destination. We keep learning as we go. This is a good thing because although we may never be completely free of bipolar, we can learn to manage it better and better over time. We can reduce the problems, the symptoms and the suffering that comes from it. For many of us, we can return to a normal (or at least semi-normal life).

 

There is no denying that being diagnosed with bipolar changes our life. There are limitations imposed us. There are professions we can no longer pursue, medication side effects to deal with and other challenges we can never forsee. But it is not the end of our world. There are still LOTS of things we CAN do. It may take some time, it may take patience, but we can live a fulfilling life. We can contribute. We can find meaning and we can be happy. A bipolar diagnosis closes many doors, but it also opens others.

 

If I was diagnosed now I would seek out good support. A psychologist, a therapist, a counsellor, a good peer support group, or some other professional help. I would read more about it and learn more about it from different sources. I would find ways to come to terms with the diagnosis, to forgive myself for the chaos I caused (or bipolar caused). I would hope to grow into someone who accepts their diagnosis, but does not role over. Someone who sees that by accepting reality, I am in a stronger place to change it. As are we all.

Good luck on your journey!

Oliver has a Youtube channel called: @livingbetterwithbipolar       

A link to a video titled "My Story: Learning to Accept Bipolar" https://youtu.be/hXpun3lXB2w